Run Your Own Race
One big mistake that I made early in my career was trying to figure out and copy what “successful” people do. I used to think if I could follow the habits and the routines of these high-performing individuals, then I too could attain a higher level of performance which would lead to my success. It all started with the discovery of my first podcast, the Tim Ferriss Show. For those unfamiliar with this podcast, host Tim Ferriss interviews “Titans” of different industries to learn about what makes them successful. These interviews also led Tim to author a book “Tools of Titans,” which I bought and read. I have never met Tim Ferriss. I quite honestly did not even know who he was. But I was a new business owner, looking for ways to grow. I also felt a bit out of my element running a business. Being young and inexperienced, I did not want to mess it up. I feared failing and falling flat on my face. I was looking for the answers to some dream life I had in my mind.
Tim Ferriss has an innate way of inspiring a listener or a reader. He makes you feel like your goals are easily attainable. I felt good about consuming his content, I found it interesting. Now here was the big issue: I never realized the amount of random information I was consuming. I did not know how to decipher, organize, process, and use the information. The “Titans” in these interviews spoke about drinking teas, meditating, and cold showers. They recommended different training routines, diets, and “fasting.” They spoke about books by Dale Carnegie and Charlie Munger and how they changed their lives. So, in my mind, all I had to do was use everything I liked in the interviews, and piece together my own routine. Piece together “Tim’s Routine.” I start drinking apple cider vinegar and reading self-help books from the 1930s. I tap into my social media game and follow all the “experts” spewing facts and influence all over the internet.
Who am I?
I spent my entire life working my ass off to earn every bit of what I got. No one carved a path for me; I just figured it out. I was fortunate to have a great support system and a safety net for failing. I was fortunate to have great mentors to talk to and lean on. But no one ever told me what to do or how to do it. Why is now any different? Why suddenly am I being sold the dream? Thinking back on it, I am not sure what I was looking for. Like some voice was going to appear in an interview saying “Tim, I have the key to your success!” I was more connected and attached than I have ever been... but somehow the most disconnected and detached at the same time.
Social Media BS
Being connected to social media is a blessing and a curse. You can learn a lot on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn when you look in the right places. It is also a wonderful way to connect with other people and network, especially if you own a business. Here are 2 of the biggest social media downfalls:
1.) The “Compare Game.” It is where you compare your current situation with someone else who is posting about their life on social media. You get sucked down the rabbit hole of searching and daydreaming what your life should look like. The big houses, nice cars, vacation destinations, and smiling faces always seem to make their way to the front and center of the home page. You click on the pictures and creep on who is posting their lavish lifestyle. “How do I get there?” You start to look for what career path they chose, how they made it that far, what their routine looks like: Wake up every day at 5:00am, take a cold shower and drink a green smoothie to release the endorphins, hit the gym at 5:30am for more endorphining, grand breakfast at 6:45am, another shower but this time at a comfortable temperature for you guessed it! endorphins, meditate alone from 7:30am-8:00am, read a self-help book from 8:00-9:00am, spend an hour answering emails, meetings from 10:00am-1:00pm, out to lunch with friends from 1:00-2:00pm, back to work for more meetings from 2:00-5:00pm, another gym session – this time hot yoga – from 5:30-6:30pm, dinner with a protein shake, spend an hour writing in a progress journal, another hour of reading, finish off the 6th Stanley Mug of the day, silence the phone for another 30 minute meditation before bedtime at 9:00pm to get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
THESE PEOPLE ARE F***ING LIARS. Or. They don’t have kids.
Downfall #2.) EVERYONE is an expert. Since when does the number of followers and a blue check mark give credibility? How many of these people are giving out advice that they themselves are not implementing in their life. There are people shilling out information on how to run a business but have never run a business. There are coaches trying to tell me how to coach but they themselves don’t have any clients to work with.
The more I learned about business, coaching, leadership, and management, the more I realized I do not need the outside noise. The more I realized I need to run my own race.
The Starting Line
Finding a place to start was tough for me. I had a tough time focusing too much on the process and the outcome. But I thought that is what you are supposed to do? Become process obsessed, make deposits daily, chip away. Set goals and map out ways to get there. I still believe in the need to be process oriented. But tweaking the process and working to find routines to accomplish the goal was wasting time. I realized the need to dig deeper into my starting point. Deconstruct everything, forget the process for the time being, and just pick a place to start. Cliché as it sounds, every single marathon starts with the first step; but why are we even at the starting line to begin with? Understanding why we are at the starting line, THAT is where we need to begin. That is what will give us the fuel for the first step and ultimately the process of the race to the finish line.
A good friend of mine is a mental wellness and performance coach. Vince Duffy of MetaNu and Edge90 (check him out if you get a chance, he is a fantastic resource https://edge90.com/about/ ). He always talks about your “why.” What is your why? At surface level this was an easy answer for me, supporting my wife and kids. But if I am working my life away to give them a nice house, nice clothes, vacations, etc... Am I really supporting them? In what way am I supporting them? My “why” got flipped upside down. I was looking at this completely the wrong way and I blame my own perspective. I did not really understand what “success” was. On the exterior it looked like money, a beautiful house, vacation home, nice cars, tailored suits. But on the interior, I had no idea what others’ lives looked like. Were they happy? Did they have healthy relationships with friends and family? Were they telling the whole truth?
Success became something different than money, house, cars. I realized that success is exactly how YOU define success. If you want a lavish lifestyle, that’s fine! Go get it. Some people just want to wake up next to their wife, drink a great cup of coffee together, get the kids ready and shipped off to school, play 9-18 holes of golf 2-3 days a week, workout 3-4 days a week, manage the business for a couple of hours, pick the kids up from school, go watch them play tee-ball, eat dinner as a family, go to bed and do it all over again. Now THAT is what I am thinking success looks like. THAT is what I want my life to look like. Painting my own picture of success helped define my why and my starting point, now how do I get there?
Balance like the Wallendas
For anyone who does not understand the title of this section, the Wallendas are the greatest tight-rope walking family to ever live. They are the ultimate daredevils who walk across canyons and waterfalls on thin lines. The impeccable balance and fearlessness it takes to pull off these death-defying stunts is mind boggling. I have always wondered about the amount of preparation and planning it takes to accomplish something that does not make much sense to me. Why would you want to walk across a rope where you can potentially fall hundreds of feet your death? The Wallenda Family’s idea of success is different than mine and my opinion matters none. But for the sake of this article, there is so much that can be learned from the balance of this incredible family.
Our work / life balance is defined by that thin line we walk across daily. On the left side is our work, our career, our professional development, and most often our source of income. On the right side is our life, our relationships with family and friends, our health and well-being. Lean too much either way and we fall. There are constant gusts of wind that push and pull in each direction: “I need to make more money,” “I need to spend more time with my wife,” “I need to watch my son play baseball,’ “I need to get a promotion.” How much are you willing to lean, knowing there is a chance you will fall? How much are you willing to sacrifice, knowing you cannot get that time back?
Saying there is no such thing as a work / life balance is a negative way of thinking. Feeling this way follows a long road to unhappiness. Unless of course your goals and dream life involve a lavish lifestyle where work and money are all that you care about. Once again, that’s perfectly fine! Just admit that to yourself and go get it! For many of us, including myself, I have aspirations that involve work and life. I want to start and run businesses, I want to manage real estate, I want to invest, I want to be a pizza chef, I want to be a football coach, I want to be a professional golfer. More important than all those things, I want to be the best dad and husband that I can be. I am refusing to sacrifice the important times with my family. So, I made a pact with myself... I will not miss birthdays, baseball games, anniversaries, date nights unless I am physically or mentally incapable of being there. I will be a great dad, husband, AND business owner. I will make money on my own terms to provide for my family, I will be present, and I will create my own, ideal work / life balance that everyone thinks is impossible. I know there are certain sacrifices I will have to make; it is tough to speak in absolutes about this subject. However, I know my path across that thin line and no gust of wind will knock me off.
The Race
We are all in the race. From the time we are born until the last breath we take, it is YOU vs. TIME. As we get older, we seemingly have the ability to control a lot more of where and how we spend our time. The choices we make each day have consequences, some positive and some negative. For example, we choose exactly what we want to eat every single day. You can take 2 hours to meal prep on Sunday and have healthy food options for the entire week. Or. You can grab a pop-tart as you rush out the door to work, stop at McDonalds for lunch, and pick up a pizza on your way home. Do I have to explain the positives and negatives involving the choice we make here? Our priorities will dictate our choices. And our choices dictate the path of the race we are running. To be honest, it should NOT be good choices vs. bad choices. A lifetime of making “good” choices does not guarantee anything. You can eat healthy, workout every day, spend time with your family, make a lot of money, and STILL find yourself in unfortunate situations. There are people who make a lifetime of “bad” choices and grow up to a very favorable outcome. I like to think making more good choices will improve your chances of favorable outcomes but the point is, there is still some luck involved. There are still outside, uncontrollable factors that will dictate the path of your race, regardless of the good or bad choices you make. Thinking about the power of “choices you want to make” vs. “choices you don’t want to make” is a better approach. Work where you want to work, travel when you want to travel, hang out with people who make you feel great, eat wholesome and healthy foods but I promise you there is nothing wrong with Saturday, pizza, beer, and a great football game. Carve out your own path, move as fast or as slow as you want, learn from your mistakes, grow, teach and give back, be a good person. RUN YOUR OWN RACE.
The Finish Line
“How do you want to be remembered?” I feel like a 1990’s football coach giving the “how do you want to be remembered” speech before a championship game. Cliché? Yes. But it is an important question that you need to ask yourself, and the answer should be brutally honest. I have asked other people this question before, and it is interesting to hear the broad spectrum of answers. Some people simply do not care if they are remembered. They are perfectly fine leaving an unmarked trail. Others want to leave a legacy. Donate money to a great cause, get their name on a building. Honestly, I have not given this question much deep thought until writing this. I feel like my answer has changed and evolved over the years. Growing up playing sports, you picture your name in different Halls of Fame with everyone talking about how great of a player you were. Your kids constantly being reminded that “your dad was the real deal!”
Does it really matter? People will remember you based on how you made them feel. Regardless of what you accomplish, outsiders will always draw their own conclusions about who you were. And that should not matter. Those conclusions should never dictate how you live your life. They are part of the outside, uncontrollable factors that I talked about earlier. And we all turn to dust at some point anyways. I want to change this question to “How do you want to be remembered by the individuals you care about most?” That matters. It relates back to your “why.” It relates back to how YOU define “success.” It leaves a lasting impression far beyond your life span. Figure out that answer and chase it until you cross the finish line. Doing that will lead to a successful life far beyond what you imagined.
I do not draft these articles for anyone’s approval and a pat on the back. Honestly, I write for my kids. Just in case something happens to me. A lot of my “self-help” thoughts and articles are influenced by Randy Pausch, author of “The Last Lecture.” I love that he did his best to leave his children every single ounce of knowledge that he had before he was gone. Whether I die tomorrow or live until I am 100 years old (hoping for the latter!), my kids can one day read all these things and learn about my ideas and learn from my experiences. I share them because I hope they can help others too!
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